This article + episode combo was inspired by a book called The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over by Jack Schafer. In the book, Schafer writes about what he calls the “Laws of Attraction”—NOT to be confused with the “Law of Attraction” which is something totally different.
There are 13 laws of attraction, and they’re designed to help you increase your chances of making a positive impression on other people. Whether we’re talking about your work-life or your love-life, the following 13 laws of attraction will help you become a more attractive and charismatic person that—to put it quite simply—is just more fun to be around. Think of each Law of Attraction as a tool to enhance your relationship effectiveness.
Ready to dive in? Listen to the podcast version below, or keep scrolling if you’d prefer to read it instead.
The Law of Misattribution says that it is possible to be in the right place at the right time.
For example: If you are around when a person feels good because he or she just exercised, they might associate those feelings with you. This also can occur when two people share a scary or difficult event; the experience often brings them closer together.
The Law of Curiosity says that when we make another person curious about us, the individual will want to interact more with us in order to feed that curiosity.
The Law of Reciprocity says that people tend to return what they receive—whether that be a smile, a gesture, or a favor.
And often times—as Robert Cialdini tells us in his famous book, Influence—people on the receiving end of the Law of Reciprocity tend to feel compelled to want to do disproportionately more in return for the people that they received something from… which is why some waiters at restaurants give you a little extra food, and then—wink, wink—tell you “not to tell anyone about it.”
The Law of Self-Disclosure says that the more you reveal about yourself, the more the other person will be attracted to you and reveal about him or herself. It’s important to keep your disclosures specific and not too intimate at first, though. For example, if we just met each other for the first time ever… and within the first few minutes of our convo, I told you all about the time I peed my pants in 3rd grade, you’d probably think I was a total weirdo.
Similarly, telling a potential love-interest all about how you filed for bankruptcy before telling them what you even do for a living probably isn’t the best course of action if you’re trying to position yourself as an attractive person… This doesn’t mean you should hide the fact that you filed for bankruptcy. It just means you should disclose it after you’ve built a real connection.
An example of an effective way to use the Law of Self-Disclosure might be this: sharing a struggle-to-success story with someone who you sense might be currently dealing with similar struggles that you’ve overcome in the past. Telling them your story of how you’ve fallen down and gotten back up might trigger them to tell you about their own pains and struggles.
The Law of Personal Attractiveness says that attractive people are perceived to be more honest, smarter, more talented and nicer than those who are not attractive.
This is sad, but it’s true. But it doesn’t mean you have to look like a run-way model to abide by this law.
There are plenty of things you can do to instantly improve your own attractiveness. Some of which, include: using eye contact, smiling, dressing well, and being an active listener.
The Law of Humor says that people who use appropriate humor in their encounters are seen as more likable, trustworthy, and attractive. Laughing, like exercise, increases the release of endorphins.
The Law of Familiarity says that the more you are around a person, the more likely you are to become friends while them.
The Law of Association serves as a warning about who you associate with. It is likely that you will be judged by those you associate yourself with.
According to the Law of Self-Esteem, appearing to have high self esteem and confidence is desirable for people seeking out relationships. But beware of arrogance, which is different because it makes others feel inferior.
The Law of Availability contends that we are attracted to things that are hard to get. Once we get them, we are less enthusiastic about them which is why it is okay to remain mysterious at the beginning of a relationship.
The Law of the Rocky Road states that sometimes two people who do not like each other very much at first may become close later and have a strong relationship. Many romantic comedies are built on this premise.
The Law of Personality says that it is important to figure out if the other person is an introvert or extrovert. Personality traits are not always all one or all the other, but people do usually favor one or the other. It is always a good idea to reveal your true personality as soon as you meet a new person.
Finally, the Law of Complementarity reminds us of the importance of expressing sincere compliments. In case yah didn’t catch it, the key word with this “law” is sincerity, which is different than flattery.
When you give someone a sincere compliment, you’re pointing out something about the other person that you genuinely admire. But when you flatter someone, you’re basically piling on excessive and insincere compliments, which make you look fake.
Side note: I don’t have any real research to backup what I’m about to say, but I believe that if what you’re saying to someone is coming from a good place—with clean intentions and without any ulterior motives—then you don’t have to worry about whether you’re flattering someone or not. In other words, if you’re being real, you can scrap the Law of Complementarity all together.
The laws of attraction can dramatically increase your chances of becoming a more attractive person, which can cascade into a long chain of positive outcomes in your life.