One monkey gets a cucumber slice every time he performs the task—and he happily performs his rock-giving task over and over in order to receive his cucumber slice…
But then that same monkey sees another monkey, performing the same task, but being rewarded with not just a slice of cucumber, but with a grape—which in the world of capuchin monkeys, is perceived as way higher on the awesomeness scale when compared to cucumber.
When the cucumber-monkey sees the researcher rewarding his friend with a grape, he again performs his usual rock-giving task—this time with even more enthusiasm—expecting to get a nice juicy grape in return for his efforts… But no. The researcher gives the poor bastard another slice of cucumber. The monkey looks at the cucumber in seeming disbelief, with a look on his face that can only be described as, “Bro, WTF!“ Then the monkey shakes the bars of his cage and becomes visibly angry about the fact that his buddy, just a few feet away, got grapes, while all he gets is cucumber.
We are not much different from the monkeys.
Point being: everyone rightly and justly wants fairness; but the unfortunate reality is that we live in an unfair world. And this pisses people off and brings about feelings of jealousy and envy towards those who we perceive to have an un-equal share of the pie (or those who get grapes for doing the same things that we get cucumbers for).
In terms of morality — is this right? No. But is it reality? Absolutely. We can’t change the fact that we live in an unfair world. But what we can do, is change the way we allow ourselves to feel about it.Making comparisons between yourself and others is common. If you’re jealous and envious of someone for what they’ve got, here are a few ideas for training yourself to overcome the envy.
“Certainly with envy, it can also be a spur … It can help you say, I haven’t got a car or a house like that guy, so why don’t I aim to work to try and get something like that?” —Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Douglas Abrams from The Book of JoyThe Archbishop and the Dalai Lama also mention that external goals like the ones above won’t bring us true joy or lasting happiness. But using them as motivation to improve our situation is still better than envy of someone else’s.
If someone has something that we want, say, a bigger house, we can consciously take joy in their good fortune by telling ourselves: “Good for him. Just like me, he, too, wants to be happy. He, too, wants to be successful. He, too, wants to support his family. May he be happy. I congratulate him and want him to have more success.” Mudita recognizes that life is not a zero-sum game, that there is not just one slice of cake in which someone else’s taking more means we get less. Mudita sees joy as limitless. —Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Douglas Abrams from The Book of Joy
“Doctors always advise us to relax. Relax means calm mind. Not too much agitation, which will destroy your relaxation. Also, too much attachment will destroy your peace of mind,” … You can have a nice house with a nice bedroom and a nice bath, and play relaxing music, but if you are full of anger, full of jealousy, full of attachment, you will never be able to relax. In contrast, you may be sitting on a rock with nothing, but if your mind is completely peaceful, then you can be relaxed.” —Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Douglas Abrams from The Book of JoyLove that. Don’t worry about everything you need to do and everyone you need to get back with. Be calm. Relax.
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